This is not the case. I’m here to tell you this DOES apply to you. I’m writing to YOU. That’s right, it may seem like this is for someone else, but I’m talking to you, John.
—For the percentage of people who’s name is John reading this, hopefully I freaked you out.
So how do I know you’re an uncreative hack? Because I’m one superiorly creative person who’s almost certainly more creative than you. I’m an original renaissance man. I paint, I’m a writer, I build things, design things, have recorded musical albums. Yet despite all these amazing feats of creativity, I myself, am in actuality, an uncreative hack. So if we follow this logic, it’s not difficult to arrive at the conclusion you are too.
But being so much more creatively endowed than yourself, I’m here to help. These are five surefire ways you will be able to become just slightly less of an annoyingly banal, inspirationally defunct being. Here they go.
When delivered in an appropriate setting, inappropriateness is a truly underrated quality. The world’s artists are the most inappropriate beings on the planet.
This may seem like an obtuse piece of advice for a creative void such as yourself, but inappropriateness may be harnessed in all sorts of ways. Consider using a really awkward colour when starting out with a page design. Be excessive with proportion and treatment.
The amount of ideas I’ve had from accidentally misreading something or misunderstanding something is staggering. You’ve probably misunderstood way more than I. Again, the idea of leaving things in the lap of the gods probably seems way to uncontrolled for your feeble right hemisphere, but stay with me.
Think of a number between 1 and 10. Go to flickr’s 7 days of interesting photos and click the reload button that many times with your eyes closed. Open your eyes and focus on the first image that captures your sad little imagination. This is your new muse. Take this and use everything that makes it interesting in your own designs. Which leads me to my next point.
“Now we’re cooking with gas!”, I hear you say. Do you have access to a child? If so, provide them with crayons and paper and art direct from a corner. Even though you may not arrive at any sort of tangible solution to whatever creative problem you’re facing, just watch how they work. Look at how they’re so focused on zoning out from your stupid directions. They possess infinitely more creativity than you. Learn from this.
This point is really a lead-in to the next point but I’ve found to be very effective. Give yourself a running commentary on what you’re doing as if you’re a sports commentator. The key here is to use a voice completely different to your own, be it pirate, someone with a severe lisp or a Canadian. If you work in a public setting at the very least you will find you’re held in slightly less contempt as the uncreative, boring person you truly are.
At this point we’re really getting desperate. Perhaps this is the last resort to try to alter the chemistry of your dull disposition even for a short period just so you can experience something that’s not wholly controlled by that fascist zealot currently at the reins. Maybe you think a suggestion like this is inappropriate. I refer you to point #1. If peyote is not your thing or you’re afraid of doing anything illegal, the very least you can do is make yourself a ridiculously strong cup of coffee before your next attempt at creativity and buzz yourself into something.
Well there you have it. I know these points have served me well in becoming someone who’s so much more creative that you, so I can vouch for their effectiveness. Hopefully you’ve gleaned some sort of wisdom or knowledge from these. Probably not. How very uncreative of you.
—Published 24 March, 2009
